Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Post NFL-Week 11 Predictions

Predictions made about the previous week’s NFL action based on the results of those games

After week 11, three teams will be on a five-game winning streak. They will all be from the NFC. Two of them will be in the NFC North. The third will be the 49ers.

The Jets will get Tebowed on Thursday night. Tim Tebow will improve to 4-1 as a starter. The Broncos’ strategy of publicly scouting potential quarterbacks to draft in order to motivate Tebow and the Broncos to keep playing well will continue to pay off.

Revis will get so bored by Tebow that he will allow Tebow to run right by him on the Broncos’ gamewinning drive.

Baltimore will hold off a pesky Bengals team to stay ahead of the Steelers in the AFC North. The Bengals will be 6-2 against all teams not Pittsburgh or Baltimore. Unfortunately for Team Marvin Lewis, they still have games remaining against both teams.

Cleveland will beat Jacksonville in the Ben Folds Five Battle Of Who Could Care Less Bowl.

Jacksonville’s 3-7 record after Week 11 would tie for the worst record in the conference, if it wasn’t for those darn Colts, who are 0-10.

Indianapolis would be 0-11 after Week 11, but luckily for the Colts, the Bye is not recognized as a legitimate opponent by the NFL.

Detroit will tell Carolina, “nyah, nyah, my Number 1 overall pick from an SEC school is better than your Number 1 overall pick from an SEC school.”

The SEC: Where Number 1 overall picks happen.

Warren Sapp and Brett Favre will place a friendly wager on the Green Bay – Tampa Bay game, with the loser forced to text pictures of himself to the winner. Fortunately for Brett, Green Bay will win to improve to 10-0.

Miami will continue to distance itself from its Luck-y day with a dominant win over Buffalo.

Buffalo and Miami will continue to travel in opposite directions, as the Dolphins will win their third-straight while the Bills will lose their third-straight.

Carson Palmer will lead the Raiders to their second non-divisional road win of 2011, which will be two more non-divisional road wins than Oakland got in all of 2010.

Keeping with the history of the relationship between early settlers and Native Americans, the Cowboys will destroy the Redskins’…already slim chances of making the playoffs.

After the game, Redskins quarterback DeAngelo Hall will tell the team to cut him because of his poor play. Seeing this as merely a ploy to get off a sinking ship, Washington will not oblige him.

The 49ers will improve to 9-1, which would be the best record in the NFL, if it weren’t for those darn Packers.

Cardinals fans clamoring for John Skelton to be named the permanent starting quarterback will be reminded why he is the backup.

Completing just 6-of-19 passes for 99 yards and three interceptions will do that to you.

Backup to the backup Richard Bartel will play well in relief, leading Cardinals fans to ask for him to be named the permanent starting quarterback.

If Seattle and St. Louis play each other and a berth to the playoffs is not on the line, will anyone care?

The short answer: no.

The long answer: not one bit.

After Week 10’s 130-yard performance, Titans’ running back Chris Johnson will return to the player he once was.

Johnson will rush for 13 yards on 12 carries in a loss to Atlanta, returning to his early 2011-form when he rushed for 24 yards against Jacksonville, 21 against Denver, 18 against Houston and 34 against Indy.

The good news: Chicago will defeat San Diego.

The bad news: Jay Cutler will suffer a possible season-ending thumb injury in the win.

The good news: Cutler will have more time to spend with Kristin Cavallari.

The bad news: Cutler will have more time to spend with Kristin Cavallari.

Statisticians will successfully jinx the New York Giants with their “Eagles have lost five games after leading in the fourth quarter” and their “Giants have won four after trailing in the fourth quarter.” The Eagles will hold on to one of their fourth-quarter leads to defeat their NFC East opponent and move two games behind Dallas and New York.

Kansas City will score in single digits for the fourth time this season. New England will surpass 30 points for the sixth time this season. This will not be a recipe for victory for the Chefs.

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