Thursday, December 22, 2011

Post NFL-Week 15 Predictions

Predictions made about the previous week’s NFL action based on the results of those games

The 2011 Chiefs will do their best 1985 Dolphins impersonation, handing the 2011 Packers their first loss in the 2011 calendar year, and the 1972 Dolphins will party like it’s 1999.

The Colts will defeat the Titans for their first victory of the season. The game would have been more interesting if Peyton Manning and Chris Johnson were involved.

Dan Orlovsky will become the first Colts quarterback to lead the team to a victory since Jim Harbaugh in 1997.

That same Jim Harbaugh will become the second Harbaugh to lead his team to a win over the Steelers in 2011 when the 49ers shut the lights out on Pittsburgh.

Literally and figuratively.

The first Harbaugh will watch his Ravens defeated soundly by the Chargers to continue their trend of late season success that will lead to another year of Norv Turner as head coach that will lead to another year of early failure and late season success which will lead to another year of Norv Turner as head coach that will lead…

Thanks to the Colts’ victory, the longest current losing streak will belong to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who will not show up against the Cowboys en route to their eighth-straight loss.

The Bucs will lose their third-straight by at least two touchdowns. Head coach Raheem Morris, who was 35 when the season started, will be 50 after Week 15.

Thanks to the Packers’ loss, the longest current winning streak will be the Patriots and Saints, as each will win their sixth-consecutive game, over Tebow Time and the Vikings, respectively.

Chad Ochocinco will finish one reception shy of his season-high while setting a season-best in touchdown receptions.

Ochocinco will catch one pass for one touchdown.

In the battle of the backups, John Skelton will lead the Cardinals to a their third overtime win in the past seven games, this time defeating Seneca Wallace and the Browns. Arizona will win its fourth-straight to improve to 7-7 and enter Wild Card contention. The trade for Kevin Kolb will look better and better as Skelton will improve to 5-1 as a starter.

Houston’s seven-game winning streak will come to an end at the hands of Cam Newton and the Panthers.

Against the Texans, Panthers offensive coordinator Rob Chudzinski will design a play based on the movie Little Giants.

Coaches for the Buccaneers will be watching football movies all week to get ready for Carolina. But Chudzinski will be too smart for that, going with the Red Seven Hot Route play from Wedding Crashers.

The Lions will score 14 points over the final 7:47, including the go-ahead score on a 98-yard drive, to defeat the Raiders. Ndamukong Suh return from a two-game suspension to block the potential gamewinning kick, marking the second-straight game “Suh” will be mentioned in the same sentence as “kick.”

Reggie Bush will make a bold statement in his wish to get back together with Kim Kardashian, rushing for a career-high 203 yards in the Dolphins’ win over Buffalo.

The Bills were once 5-2. After Week 15, they will be 5-9. During that stretch, quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick will have eight touchdowns and 12 interceptions. His new theme song will be Mo Money, Mo Problems.

The two New Jersey teams will combine to score 29 points. Their two NFC East opponents will combine to score 68 points. It’s not over until the fat lady sings, but she is definitely going through warm ups.

The Seahawks will defeat the Jay Cutler-less Bears to improve to 7-7 and enter the Wild Card equation. Bears coach Lovie Smith will have a tough time figuring out where to put Sam Hurd on the injury list. Does arrest for federal drug charges make a player Doubtful or Questionable?

The Bengals will defeat the Rams to ensure that the AFC North will be the only division in the NFL with three teams above .500. The Rams’ loss will put them in at tie for the worst record in the NFC. Which feat is more impressive? You be the judge.

The Falcons will have no problem with the Jaguars, building a 27-0 halftime lead before coasting to victory. New Jacksonville owner Shahid Khan (no relation to Chaka) will wonder if the team was overpriced at $760 million.

That’s just $190 million per victory!

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