Thursday, January 19, 2012

Post-NFL Divisional Round Predictions

Predictions made prior to the NFL Divisional Round based on the results of those games

The angels that helped Denver reach the Divisional Round will step away, believing that the Broncos will be able to defeat the Patriots on their own.

They won’t.

Led by the Godless Heathen Bill Belichick, the Patriots’ win over the Fightin’ Tebows will force many to acknowledge that sometimes the dude in red on their left shoulder has some good ideas.

Alex Smith will twice lead the 49ers on fourth-quarter comebacks in a win over New Orleans.

New Orleans will finish the season with an average score of 26.8 points in games played outside compared to an average score of 38.6 in games played inside.

The Saints’ fans will ask them to take their indoor voice outside.

Vernon Davis will haul in the (second) gamewinning touchdown for the 49ers, giving San Francisco yet another Catch by a tight end that wins a playoff game. Somewhere, David Tyree is shaking his head.

Vernon Davis will insert himself into the discussion of Jimaarob Gramzalezski, creating Vernjimaarob Gramzalezdavski.

In the end, the North will prevail over the South, again, as Baltimore will defeat the Texans to improve to 3-2 against the AFC South this season.

Joe Flacco will beg to dilfer, but he will say he is nothing like former Ravens quarterback, whose name escapes me.

The Ravens will improve to 9-0 at home. Which is good, because they were just 4-4 on the road in 2011-12.

In a related story, Baltimore will have to travel to New England to face the Patriots in the AFC Championship.

The Giants will improve to 2-0 in rematches in the playoffs against teams that beat them 38-35 in the regular season in the past five seasons.

The Packers will become the only home team to lose over the weekend.

To add insult to injury, Green Bay will not have taken out the discount double-check insurance on their Super Bowl chances.

Fans who bought into the Green Bay franchise will immediately ask for their money back.

State Farm will immediately ask for its commercials back.

Actor and fake-Indiana native Rob Lowe will become the 1,194th NFL Insider.

ESPN will immediately hire him to work on Sunday NFL Countdown.

He will not be the worst commentator on that show.

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