Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Post-NFL Week 8 Predictions

Predictions made prior to the NFL Week 8 based on the results of those games

And we're back. Now that I've been able to get past Taylor Swift's break up to....sorry it's still too soon. Let's just move on before I have another breakdown.

The Cowboys will have the rare come-from-behind loss, and the Giants will hold on for the even rarer unable-to-hold-the-lead victory.

Tony Romo will prove to be the best quarterback the Giants could ever ask for.

The Cowboys will have three receivers with 100-yard games for the first time since 1963. After the game, Jason Pierre-Paul will say that the Giants D played great. Rasheed Wallace will scoff and say, "Stats don't lie."

Greg Schiano will ignore the old saying "never trust a man with two first names," and 214 all-purpose yards later, Doug Martin will lead the Bucs to victory over the Vikings.

Entering Week 8, Cam Newton has never won a game in which he threw at least one interception. He will throw two against Chicago. After Week 8, Cam Newton will have never won a game in which he threw at least one interception.

The Indians will defeat the Padres in interleague play, 7-6. Wait, that can't be right.

You knew it was coming eventually. I'm referring, of course, to the Chargers' losing streak after a solid start that made people think Norv Turner had gotten over the hump of starting the season slow. After a 3-1 start, San Diego will drop their third-straight with a loss to the Browns. 

Good 'ol Norv - you can always count on him!

The Lions will continue their season-long trend of games that end with one team holding a one-possession lead. They will also improve to 2-0 against Alfred Hitchcock this season.

The Packers will record their 28th-straight game without a 100-yard rusher, including playoffs. They will improve to 23-5 during that stretch with a win over the Jaguars.

The Jaguars...well, it really doesn't matter if they have a 100-yard rusher or not. They're still the Jaguars.

After Week 8, Andrew Luck and Peyton Manning will each be 4-3. No one will be wondering if the Colts made the right decision. They will simply be wondering why Jim Irsay tweets so much. He's like a machine!

The Rams will take a 7-0 lead over the Patriots. That will make New England mad. You don't want to see New England mad. Especially in England. 

Rob Gronkowski will do the best. touchdown dance. ever. I would say that Ochocinco should take note, except he'll never see the field again, much less the end zone.

Not to give away the outcome of the game, but suffice to say, the calls for Tim Tebow will start getting louder after the Dolphins-Jets game. Ok, I totally gave away the outcome of the game.

The Alfred Hitchcock battle will go to the Falcons. After the game, Michael Vick will attempt to take attention away from himself and put it on...himself. No longer will the story be about Michael Vick owning a dog. The story will be about Michael Vick trying to reverse-jinx himself into remaining the starting quarterback.

The Steelers uniforms will be so ugly as to throw the Redskins all out of whack. Standing next to players in bumblebee uniforms will only make Mike Tomlin look even cooler.

In other words, Tomlin's plan will be a win-win.

The Chiefs will actually have to make the decision to go with Brady Quinn or Matt Cassel.

The Chiefs will actually make the decision to go with Brady Quinn. After going 2-for-4 for one yard with one interception against the Raiders, Quinn will then be replaced by Cassel after being diagnosed with what the team will call "a head injury." Romeo Crennell will be spotted getting rid of some sort of blunt object.

The 49ers will put a beatdown on the Cardinals. The 1972 Dolphins will need physical proof that Arizona was once undefeated this season.

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