Friday, November 30, 2012

David Whitley Writes Something, But Why Do We Care?

When I popped on my computer this morning and opened up twitter, one of the first tweets that caught my eye was from Sports Illustrated's Peter King, in which he mentioned that he is not a fan of some article written by a game named David Whitley.

My first thought was, "who's David Whitley?"

After some research, I discovered that he is a columnist for AOL Fanhouse/Sporting News.

My second thought was, "AOL Fanhouse and Sporting News are still around?!"

Whitley wrote an article yesterday entitled Colin Kaepernick Ushers in an Inked-up NFL Quarterbacking Era. The article is essentially a 731-word rant against tattoos, using the new 49ers starting quarterback as its foil.

Twitter-verse exploded, as fans and other columnists made fun of Whitley and labeled him as lazy, ignorant, condescending, a "piece of [crap]," "not smart or well thought-out," an "a-hole" and a "for-real racist" (which should not be confused with a fake racist).

I agree with all of those - except the last. David Whitley is not racist. At least, I don't think he is. He claims he isn't, and for proof he points out that he adopted two African-American daughters.

But here's what people seem to be missing, and it goes back to my first and second thoughts when I read about Whitley's article. I love sports, and I love reading about sports, and I visit many sports websites to satisfy my sports appetite. I had never heard of David Whitley before today and I was unaware that either AOL FanHouse or Sporting News were still around, let alone the same company.

I don't know what that says about me, but I'm pretty sure I know what it says about David Whitley and AOL FanHouse/Sporting News.

So if you're David Whitley, and not many people are aware of your existence (as of earlier today he had 301 followers on twitter), and not many people realize that AOL FanHouse/Sporting News still exist, what should you do? You need to do something that will bring you back into the public eye.

So you make up a hot-button issue. Tattoos?! On Quarterbacks!??! THE MAYANS WERE RIGHT!!!!!

This is a ridiculously stupid issue. My guess is that David Whitley doesn't care at all who has tattoos and who doesn't. He might not like them for himself, and bully for him, but for him to claim that he is bothered by the tats on Kaepernick's arms is ludicrous. I call BS.

What David Whitley does care about is that people read his columns. So he does what entertainers have been doing for years - he says something outlandish that gets people talking about him and paying attention to him. It's the Howard Stern method that has been attempted by many pundits in sports and politics. You might not believe whatever issue you bring up, but you say it with fervor and you get people talking about it, and you. The difference between Stern and Whitley is that Stern is funny and you know that many of the things he says are with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

Whitley's column about Kaepernick was douchey, no question. Comparing Kaepernick to inmates at San Quentin simply because he has tattoos? Ridiculous. Calling the quarterback the "CEO" of the organization? I think the owners would disagree.

Whitley was trying to be funny, but he came across Whitless. Or maybe I should say Bayless. Whitley even tries to use "sigh again" as its own sentence for comedic effect (the key word is "tries").

But Whitley is not the first sports commentator to write or say something crazy to get attention, and he won't be the last. It's on us to ignore it.

Which I have already failed at doing. Well, at least I don't have a tattoo, right?

Sigh. Again.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Post-NFL Week 12 Predictions

Predictions made prior to the NFL Week 12 based on the results of those games

I've been away for a few weeks, did I miss anything interesting?

It looks like the Big 10 will now be 14, the Big 12 will still be 10, and the BIG EAST will be the BIG ALL OVER, except that it won't be that big and it might not be that all over.

Yay, college football!

Good thing this never happens in the NFL. Can you imagine the outcry if the Jaguars threatened to move to London and the Panthers hinted at moving to Los Angeles?

Without further adieu, here are Predictions for Week 12...

Jim Harbaugh will complete the rare perfecta of being a part of a quarterback controversy as a player and a coach. His ego will go through the roof after his decision to start Colin Kaepernick over Alex Smith against the Saints pays off with a 49ers victory.

By the way, does anyone really believe that if Harbaugh came into his locker room to find some fan trying to pump up the team, he would use the word "heck"?

Smith will start looking at NFL rosters to determine where he will have the best change to start in 2013. "Matt Cassel and Brady Quinn in Kansas City? Sign me up!"

After the Texans score a touchdown that should not have been allowed and would not have been allowed after replay, Lions coach Jim Schwartz will get so angry that he will throw the first thing he can grab, which unfortunately will be his challenge flag, thus allowing the touchdown based on a rule that the NFL says will not be allowed after this season.

Anger management: it's not just for Adam Sandler or the artist formerly known as Charlie Sheen.

RGIII will return home and give thanks to the Cowboys' defense, which will allow him to throw for 311 yards, his third-highest total of the season. Thank goodness Dallas signed Brandon Carr and drafted Morris Claiborne, otherwise Griffin might have set a career-high!

After week 12, Griffin will have eight touchdown passes in his past two games, against the Eagles and Cowboys, which will account for half of his season total. He will also give thanks that the Redskins are in the NFC East.

After the Jets are demolished by the Patriots, NYJ fans will start calling for a certain former SEC quarterback who won a National Championship while in college...MC-EL-ROY! MC-EL-ROY! MC-EL-ROY!

Mark Sanchez will make an ass of himself when he attempts to show his coaches he is just as much a runner as Tim Tebow.

Carson Palmer will remind himself that there was a reason he left Cincinnati in the first place: namely, the Bengals and their fans don't like him. Cue the Oakland Raiders' fans nodding in agreement.

The Steelers will remind the NFL world that the bigger your quarterback, and at 6-5, 241-pounds, Big Ben is big, the harder it is to replace them when they get injured.

Charlie Batch will start for Big Ben against the Browns and go 20-34 for 199 yards and three interceptions for a passer QB rating of 38.7. The last time Big Ben had a QBR that low in the regular season* was in 2008, when he actually had two games with a QBR under 40.0 (38.5 in a loss to the Giants, 15.1 in a win over the Redskins).

So I guess it stands to reason that the Steelers' quarterbacks will have games with dismal QBRs this season, since the NFC East is on their schedule. It's like Halley's Comet. Or something.

*He did, however, have a QBR of 35.5 (10-19, 133 yards, two interceptions) in a 24-19 win over the Jets in the 2010 AFC Championship game. Remember when the Jets used to go to the AFC Championship game? Yeah, me neither.

The Colts will be 7-4 and the first wild card team after a win over the Bills thanks to some lucky breaks and their rookie sensation...T.Y. Hilton.

Who did you think I was going to say?

For just the third time this season, the two Mannings will win during the same week.

The Broncos will play one of their worst games of the season and will trail twice to the Chiefs before coming back to win the game. The Chiefs will extend their no-touchdown-scoring streak to three games and three quarters.

Kansas City will get some good news as they will pick up a game on the Jaguars for the worst record in the NFL after Jacksonville foolishly defeats Tennessee. Chad Henne will pick up his first win as a starter since December 2010 and will immediately get benched for what the Jags will hope is a Mady Quissel-type player.

NFL refs will finally right the wrong that was perpetrated by the replacement refs when they gave Seattle a win over Green Bay during Week 3, helping the Dolphins to beat the Seahawks with a dubious roughing the passer call that will erase a Seattle interception. After the game, Pete Carroll will say, "the replacement refs, yeah...I miss those guys."

Everyone will pick the Bucs to beat the Falcons. The Falcons will then come-from-behind to beat the Bucs. Everyone will poo-poo the win, saying it was just the Bucs, let's see the Falcons do that against a good team. The Falcons will wonder what they have to do in order to win over the naysayers. Probably score more than two points in a playoff game. That might help.

The bad news: the Chargers will give up a fourth and 29 play en route to an overtime loss to the Ravens.

The good news: Freddie Mitchell will not be involved.

St. Louis will remain undefeated in divisional play with a win over the Cardinals. After starting the season 4-0, Arizona will fall to 4-7.

Rams cornerback Janoris Jenkins will outscore four NFL teams by himself with two pick-sixes against the Cardinals. His three interceptions this season have come against two different quarterbacks, so he's well on his way to matching the feats he has accomplished off the field.

The Panthers will play the Eagles on Monday Night Football...because they had to. It was on the schedule. Not much else to say.

Aaron Rodgers will not beat the Giants. Jay Cutler will beat the Vikings. Rodgers will still come out ahead of Cutler, at least in their moustache-off.

Rodgers will make 1970s Ron Jeremy a trending topic on Twitter, always a goal of NFL players. It will make sense that Rodgers will choose to look like 1970s Ron Jeremy, as the Packers QB will spend most of the Giants game on his back.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Post-NFL Week 9 Predictions (Really, Really-Post)

The big news out of the NFL during week 9 will be that Jerry Jones the owner is not happy with Jerry Jones the general manager.

Which makes sense. The Cowboys had a three-year grace period after Bill Parcells left in which the team went 33-15 with players that the Tuna brought in. But in the past three years, when Jones has filled the team almost entirely with his guys, the Cowboys are 17-23, including 3-5 this season.

Owner Jerry told NBC's Bob Costas that he would, in fact, fire himself as GM.

"Well, I think so … because he was there to dismiss," said Jones. "I've always worked for myself, and you can't do that. You basically have to straighten that guy out in the mirror when you work for yourself. But, certainly, if I'd had the discretion, I've done it with coaches and certainly I would have changed a general manager."

Later, Jones seemed to admit that while he SHOULD fire himself as GM, but that he probably won''t.

“When I bought the team, the night I bought it, I said I would be doing what I'm doing and that's GM the team and making the final decisions on personnel,” Jones told the Dallas Morning News. “That's the way it's always been done. We've won three Super Bowls doing it that way, so I'm going to do it again.”

Of course, they did win three Super Bowls, but none since 1995, when Jimmy Johnson (who basically said he picked all the players, Jones signed them, and that was why Jones started calling himself "GM") left the team.
So why is GM Jerry still around?

Why hasn't Owner Jerry done to GM Jerry what he did to notable coaches like Johnson, Parcells, et al?

There can only be one reason: GM Jerry is blackmailing Owner Jerry.

GM Jerry probably has some pictures of Owner Jerry that he would prefer not to be let out to the public. Owner Jerry probably has no idea how GM Jerry was able to get the pictures, but he knows GM Jerry has them, and for that reason and that reason alone GM Jerry has the best job security ever.

But it's time for Owner Jerry to bite the bullet. He should come clean with whatever Jerry has on him, take his whupping and let GM Jerry go. 

It's time for a new vision, a new voice, some new blood with the Cowboys. Stephen Jones will do quite nicely. 

And if he doesn't work out, there's always Jerry Jones, Jr.

Predictions made prior to the NFL Week 9 based on the results of those games

Some quick-shot predictions from Week 9 of the NFL season...

After consecutive Broncos wins in which the Giants also were victorious, New York will go back to its early season trend of losing when Denver wins.

Hollywood will be buzzing with the rumors that Eli and Peyton will do a re-make of Cheech and Chong's The Corsican Brothers.

Rooney Mara will win and lose the bet she made with herself.

Chicago's Defense/Special Teams will score 27 points. Chicago's Offense will score 24 points. Tennessee's entire team will score 20 points.

The New Orleans Saints are without their head coach for the entire season. They were without their interim head coach for six games. The started the season 0-4. But it could be worse.

They could be the Philadelphia Eagles.