Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Post-NFL Week 12 Predictions

Predictions made prior to the NFL Week 12 based on the results of those games

I've been away for a few weeks, did I miss anything interesting?

It looks like the Big 10 will now be 14, the Big 12 will still be 10, and the BIG EAST will be the BIG ALL OVER, except that it won't be that big and it might not be that all over.

Yay, college football!

Good thing this never happens in the NFL. Can you imagine the outcry if the Jaguars threatened to move to London and the Panthers hinted at moving to Los Angeles?

Without further adieu, here are Predictions for Week 12...

Jim Harbaugh will complete the rare perfecta of being a part of a quarterback controversy as a player and a coach. His ego will go through the roof after his decision to start Colin Kaepernick over Alex Smith against the Saints pays off with a 49ers victory.

By the way, does anyone really believe that if Harbaugh came into his locker room to find some fan trying to pump up the team, he would use the word "heck"?

Smith will start looking at NFL rosters to determine where he will have the best change to start in 2013. "Matt Cassel and Brady Quinn in Kansas City? Sign me up!"

After the Texans score a touchdown that should not have been allowed and would not have been allowed after replay, Lions coach Jim Schwartz will get so angry that he will throw the first thing he can grab, which unfortunately will be his challenge flag, thus allowing the touchdown based on a rule that the NFL says will not be allowed after this season.

Anger management: it's not just for Adam Sandler or the artist formerly known as Charlie Sheen.

RGIII will return home and give thanks to the Cowboys' defense, which will allow him to throw for 311 yards, his third-highest total of the season. Thank goodness Dallas signed Brandon Carr and drafted Morris Claiborne, otherwise Griffin might have set a career-high!

After week 12, Griffin will have eight touchdown passes in his past two games, against the Eagles and Cowboys, which will account for half of his season total. He will also give thanks that the Redskins are in the NFC East.

After the Jets are demolished by the Patriots, NYJ fans will start calling for a certain former SEC quarterback who won a National Championship while in college...MC-EL-ROY! MC-EL-ROY! MC-EL-ROY!

Mark Sanchez will make an ass of himself when he attempts to show his coaches he is just as much a runner as Tim Tebow.

Carson Palmer will remind himself that there was a reason he left Cincinnati in the first place: namely, the Bengals and their fans don't like him. Cue the Oakland Raiders' fans nodding in agreement.

The Steelers will remind the NFL world that the bigger your quarterback, and at 6-5, 241-pounds, Big Ben is big, the harder it is to replace them when they get injured.

Charlie Batch will start for Big Ben against the Browns and go 20-34 for 199 yards and three interceptions for a passer QB rating of 38.7. The last time Big Ben had a QBR that low in the regular season* was in 2008, when he actually had two games with a QBR under 40.0 (38.5 in a loss to the Giants, 15.1 in a win over the Redskins).

So I guess it stands to reason that the Steelers' quarterbacks will have games with dismal QBRs this season, since the NFC East is on their schedule. It's like Halley's Comet. Or something.

*He did, however, have a QBR of 35.5 (10-19, 133 yards, two interceptions) in a 24-19 win over the Jets in the 2010 AFC Championship game. Remember when the Jets used to go to the AFC Championship game? Yeah, me neither.

The Colts will be 7-4 and the first wild card team after a win over the Bills thanks to some lucky breaks and their rookie sensation...T.Y. Hilton.

Who did you think I was going to say?

For just the third time this season, the two Mannings will win during the same week.

The Broncos will play one of their worst games of the season and will trail twice to the Chiefs before coming back to win the game. The Chiefs will extend their no-touchdown-scoring streak to three games and three quarters.

Kansas City will get some good news as they will pick up a game on the Jaguars for the worst record in the NFL after Jacksonville foolishly defeats Tennessee. Chad Henne will pick up his first win as a starter since December 2010 and will immediately get benched for what the Jags will hope is a Mady Quissel-type player.

NFL refs will finally right the wrong that was perpetrated by the replacement refs when they gave Seattle a win over Green Bay during Week 3, helping the Dolphins to beat the Seahawks with a dubious roughing the passer call that will erase a Seattle interception. After the game, Pete Carroll will say, "the replacement refs, yeah...I miss those guys."

Everyone will pick the Bucs to beat the Falcons. The Falcons will then come-from-behind to beat the Bucs. Everyone will poo-poo the win, saying it was just the Bucs, let's see the Falcons do that against a good team. The Falcons will wonder what they have to do in order to win over the naysayers. Probably score more than two points in a playoff game. That might help.

The bad news: the Chargers will give up a fourth and 29 play en route to an overtime loss to the Ravens.

The good news: Freddie Mitchell will not be involved.

St. Louis will remain undefeated in divisional play with a win over the Cardinals. After starting the season 4-0, Arizona will fall to 4-7.

Rams cornerback Janoris Jenkins will outscore four NFL teams by himself with two pick-sixes against the Cardinals. His three interceptions this season have come against two different quarterbacks, so he's well on his way to matching the feats he has accomplished off the field.

The Panthers will play the Eagles on Monday Night Football...because they had to. It was on the schedule. Not much else to say.

Aaron Rodgers will not beat the Giants. Jay Cutler will beat the Vikings. Rodgers will still come out ahead of Cutler, at least in their moustache-off.

Rodgers will make 1970s Ron Jeremy a trending topic on Twitter, always a goal of NFL players. It will make sense that Rodgers will choose to look like 1970s Ron Jeremy, as the Packers QB will spend most of the Giants game on his back.

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