Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Post-NFL Wildcard Weekend Predictions: Episode XVLMNOP

Game-by-game predictions made prior to the NFL Wildcard Weekend based on the results of those games

Indianapolis-Baltimore
Before the Ravens' game against Indy, Roger Goodell will greet Ray Lewis and congratulate him on his impending retirement. They will share a long embrace while having a short conversation. Luckily, our lip readers will be able to catch every word.

Which is more than we can say for Lewis, who won't even be able to catch a football that will hit him right in his arms. And I don't want to hear that "I am coming back from a torn tricep and now I'm wearing Robocop on my arm" excuse.

Roger: Ray, congratulations on an amazing career.
Ray: Thanks, Commish.
Roger: Ray, I need your help.
Ray: Um, ok.
Roger: All the other players are being really mean to me.
Ray: Ok...
Roger: They keep talking about me behind my back.
Ray: Only sometim-
Roger: They are saying really unfair things, like that I don't really care about them.
Ray: Well-
Roger: So will you be my friend?
Ray: What?
Roger: If I can tell people you're my friend, they'll like me again!
Ray: ...
Roger: And you can tell people that you're my friend and that I'm cool, and then everyone will like me again!
Ray: I dunno...
Roger: Puh-leeese?! I'll give you an exclusive interview next year for your gig on ESPN!
Ray: Promise?
Roger: Swear on Paul Tagliabue's grave!
Ray: Wait a min-
Roger: Thanks Ray, byee!

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