Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Post-NFL Wildcard Weekend Predictions: Episode XVLMNOP

Game-by-game predictions made prior to the NFL Wildcard Weekend based on the results of those games

Before the Ravens' game against Indy, Roger Goodell will greet Ray Lewis and congratulate him on his impending retirement. They will share a long embrace while having a short conversation. Luckily, our lip readers will be able to catch every word.

Which is more than we can say for Lewis, who won't even be able to catch a football that will hit him right in his arms. And I don't want to hear that "I am coming back from a torn tricep and now I'm wearing Robocop on my arm" excuse.

Roger: Ray, congratulations on an amazing career.
Ray: Thanks, Commish.
Roger: Ray, I need your help.
Ray: Um, ok.
Roger: All the other players are being really mean to me.
Ray: Ok...
Roger: They keep talking about me behind my back.
Ray: Only sometim-
Roger: They are saying really unfair things, like that I don't really care about them.
Ray: Well-
Roger: So will you be my friend?
Ray: What?
Roger: If I can tell people you're my friend, they'll like me again!
Ray: ...
Roger: And you can tell people that you're my friend and that I'm cool, and then everyone will like me again!
Ray: I dunno...
Roger: Puh-leeese?! I'll give you an exclusive interview next year for your gig on ESPN!
Ray: Promise?
Roger: Swear on Paul Tagliabue's grave!
Ray: Wait a min-
Roger: Thanks Ray, byee!

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