Thursday, October 10, 2013

Post NFL Week 5 Predictions

Predictions based on the results of Week 5

In our ongoing “what team is better than all of the NFC East combined” series, New Orleans, Denver and Kansas City will all have as many wins by themselves (five) as the ENTIRE NFC EAST COMBINED.

The NFC East will be the only division where all four teams have losing records.

Just how bad will the NFC East be? The Giants, at 0-5, will be a mere two games back of the first-place Cowboys (2-3) and Eagles (2-3). The Chiefs will have one more win against NFC East opponents (three) than the best teams in the NFC East will have overall, by themselves (two each).

Meanwhile, in the NFC South, the Saints will end week 5 with a 5-0 record.

The rest of the NFC South will end week 5 with a 2-11 record.

After week 5, the Bengals will remain undefeated at home (3-0) and defeated on the road (0-2).

The standings after week 5 will show what a topsy-turvy season 2013 has been so far.

2012 Final Four team Atlanta: 1-4
2012 Playoff team Washington: 1-3
2012 terrible team Kansas City: 5-0

If Houston is indeed a Super Bowl contender, as many love to say that they eventually will be, what does that say about San Francisco, which will demolish the Texans in week 5, and Seattle, which upended the Texans in week 4?

And if the 49ers and Seahawks are Super Bowl contenders, what will that make the Indianapolis Colts, which will have wins over both of those teams?

After week 5, the Jets will be one game out of first-place in the AFC East. Let that sit in for a minute.

Hey Eagles fans, remember last year’s Coach of the Year, Bruce Arians? He took over as head coach of the Colts while Chuck Pagano was dealing with cancer and led them to a 9-3 record and the playoffs. He is now 3-2…with the ARIZONA CARDINALS.

But no no, I’m sure Chip Kelly will be great for you. Really.

After week 5, the Manning brothers will have combined for 28 touchdowns and 13 interceptions, which is respectable, until you realize that Peyton has 20 of those TDs and only one of those INTs.

The Broncos will outlast the Cowboys in a game where the final score will look like that of a college basketball game.

Tony Romo will prove yet again that he just can’t win. Despite his 506 passing yards and five touchdowns, the only thing people will take away is the takeaway that he gave away with under two minutes remaining.

The 51 points the Broncos will score against the Cowboys will equal the Jacksonville Jaguars’ scoring output of 2013.

Sorry, Giants, Steelers and Bucs – I think the Jags have Downey for Clowney just about sowed up.

Dear Tiki Barber,

My how the mighty have fallen. This might seem like piling on at this point, but it bears repeating what has happened since you left the Giants: the team won two Super Bowls, you were let go from NBC’s Sunday Night in America, you allegedly cheated on your pregnant wife with an NBC intern, you got fired from NBC, you tried to get back into the NFL and failed, you started hawking a company where fans can pay to meet celebrities/athletes, you covered the Howard Stern Show Staff Fantasy Football Draft on SIRIUS/XM, you joined CBS Sports Radio.

But wait there’s more. Your former teammate Michael Strahan is a talk show host on not one, but TWO major networks, including taking over for Regis on ABC – the type of show that I’m sure you expected to be hosting on NBC after you retired. Your brother, who has a Super Bowl ring himself, is even starting his own NFL Analyst career on FOX Sports1.

Why do I bring this up? Well one, you seem like kind of a douche, so it’s fun to knock you. And two, I was thinking about some of the things you would have said about this 0-5 Giants squad if you were still on NBC, and I bet it would go something like this:

“Coach Coughlin is very hard-nosed, and [players don’t] get a lot of time off, [can’t] sit down and rest…and so it was a constant grind -- a physical grind…that [takes its toll].”

I’m sorry, you did say something like that. In fact, you said exactly that, except you were talking about yourself.

“Coach Coughlin is very hard-nosed, and I didn't get a lot of time off, couldn't
sit down and rest myself, and so it was a constant grind -- a physical grind on me that started to take its toll. The grind took its toll on me and really forced me to start thinking about what I wanted to do next. And that's not a bad thing. That's a good thing, for me at least. Maybe not for the Giants, because they lose one of their great players, but for me, it is.”

That was your first mistake. To this day, it grinds my gears that you felt the need to bash your former coach right after you retired. Heck, you even went so far as to criticize Eli Manning’s leadership and then in 2010 you said that Coughlin was losing the team. And if I listened to CBS Radio, I’m sure I would hear you saying the same things.

“The best thing that they did was release Josh. Somehow, someway that situation had to end. It had gotten toxic from both sides. Josh was manipulating, everybody felt like Coach was manipulating, but I don't feel like Greg was that kind of guy. Greg wants what's best for this team. I think he can get the locker room back. I want to see him get the locker room back.”

That was what your brother Ronde said in response to a question about how Greg Schiano is handling the current situation with the Bucs. Do you hear that? It’s certainly not the sound of someone being thrown under the bus, because that’s what Ronde did NOT do. When you watch Strahan on FOX, and they ask him about the Giants, do you know what he does NOT do? Throw his former coach/teammates under the bus. He might criticize and point out where they need to work on things, but you can do that without being critical. There’s a big, big difference, one that you apparently were too blinded by your own greatness to see.

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