Eagles: Want to send a Philly phan to a dark place? Remind them that Mark Sanchez is the backup QB.
Giants: Tom Coughlin’s incredulous face is already in midseason form.
Cowboys: Dallas has gone 8-8 each of the past three seasons. Their biggest splash signing this offseason was to the practice squad.
Washingtons: I’m jumping on the bandwagon to not use the R-word, because it is racist and insulting and it’s also fun to watch the Fighting Dan Snyders try to argue against common sense and public perception.
Packers: Aaron Rodgers is dating Olivia Munn, but I’ve been told that he looks like me, so I guess you’re saying there’s a chance! (There isn’t.)
Bears: The Florida Gators are still waiting for the thanks they deserve for making Jay Cutler’s career. Any time now, Jay.
Lions: Mr. Expressive Jim Caldwell is now the Lions head coach. I’m not saying the team will do well, but at least it’ll be fun to watch him on the sidelines!
Vikings: Adrian Peterson already wants out. To the Cowboys. That’s gotta sting Minnesota fans, who still haven’t gotten over that Herschel Walker
Saints: New Orleans was 8-0 at home last year, 3-5 on the road. The Saints averaged 103.5 yards per game at home and 80.6 yards per game on the road. So they are set up perfectly to NOT win the Super Bowl.
Falcons: I’m going out on a limb and saying that last year’s 4-12 record was an aberration, because Steven Jackson is now (kinda) healthy and Julio Jones is now (kinda) healthy and the Panthers aren’t going to match last year’s 12-4 record and…shoot I think I’m wrong here.
Panthers: Carolina will probably finish second in the NFC South, but I gotta go with my first instinct so I’m leaving them in this spot. Also, how good was Cam Newton with the Gators? Sigh.
Bucs: It was nice of Greg Schiano to set the bar so low for Lovie Smith that even five wins is an improvement from last year.
Seahawks: It’s hard to root against Pete Carroll. It really, really is.
49ers: It’s easy to root against Jim Harbaugh. It really, really is.
Cardinals: Making the playoffs not on the DOCKETT for Arizona this year (see what I did there?).
Rams: Bummed me out that Michael Sam didn’t get signed at least to St. Louis’ practice squad, but I’m happy that he got picked up by another team. And that’s all there is to say about the Rams.
Six playoff teams: Eagles, Packers, Bears, Saints, Seahawks, 49ers
NFC Championship: Packers-Seahawks
NFC Champion: Seahawks (Skittles for everyone!)